Making the Unconscious, Conscious

“Are You Sleepwalking Your Way Through Life?”

Gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves often involves gently bringing what’s unconscious into awareness. As it is through exploring what remains hidden and out of sight that we can begin to truly connect with and gain insight into our internal world. Drawing on the wisdom of Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist, psychotherapist and psychologist (1875-1961), who was deeply interested in the integration of the unconscious into conscious awareness, I will use several of his quotes to support my points on the subject. Jung believed that only by bringing our hidden, unconscious thoughts and feelings to light could we achieve greater self-awareness and live a more authentic, balanced life.

As a psychotherapist, I often notice how much of our inner world can remain hidden, not just from others but even from ourselves. Unconscious communication is such a fascinating aspect of how we relate to one another. It’s the emotions we might not fully recognise, the things left unsaid and the realities we quietly avoid that can unknowingly shape our relationships, actions and how we feel about ourselves. As Jung once said:

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

This quote reflects the power that our hidden emotions and unspoken truths have over our lives. If we don’t actively engage with our unconscious feelings, they will continue to shape our behaviours in ways we may not even realise. In therapy, much of our work revolves around bringing these hidden elements into the light, helping people feel their emotions fully and face the reality of their lives.

The Importance of Feeling Feelings

It might sound simple, but feeling our feelings is one of the most challenging things we can do. Emotions, particularly the difficult ones like sadness, anger, or fear, can feel so overwhelming that the natural impulse is to push them away. But these emotions don’t disappear just because we ignore them. Instead, they manifest in other ways, perhaps through physical symptoms like stress or anxiety, or in behaviours like withdrawing from loved ones or becoming defensive in relationships.

The unconscious is not silent. It communicates through our actions, our words, and the ways we avoid certain topics or feelings. In therapy, clients often come to me believing they want to "fix" their discomfort or eliminate painful feelings. But, as uncomfortable as it sounds, the goal is not to remove discomfort, it’s about learning how to live with it, acknowledging it and integrating it into our lives. As Jung also said:

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

In other words, true emotional maturity comes not from avoiding discomfort but from confronting and understanding it.

Facing Reality: Comfort vs. Reality

There’s a common misconception that the goal of life is to achieve a state of constant comfort and happiness. But is that truly living? If we’re constantly seeking comfort, avoiding pain and numbing difficult emotions, we are essentially disconnecting from the full experience of life. True growth happens when we face reality, even when it’s uncomfortable or painful.

Living in reality means embracing all of it, joy, sorrow, discomfort and uncertainty. It’s about being present with whatever arises, rather than avoiding it. This is particularly important in the therapeutic process because many of us have spent years turning a blind eye to uncomfortable truths or feelings. Whether it's the truth about a relationship, a part of ourselves we struggle to accept, or a reality we don't want to face, avoidance can only work for so long.

When we numb or avoid our emotions, we also numb our capacity for joy, connection and love. We become disconnected from ourselves and from others. Avoidance keeps us safe, but it also keeps us from living fully.

Sleepwalking Through Life

When we avoid facing our true emotions or deny certain realities, we may feel an immediate sense of relief, but over time, this can lead to a kind of emotional sleepwalking. We move through life on autopilot, managing day-to-day tasks but never really engaging with our deeper selves. This is where unconscious communication becomes significant. While we may not express certain feelings verbally, they show up in how we interact with others, in our body language and even in our dreams.

In many ways, we are walking through life asleep to the deeper layers of our existence. But, as Jung said:

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

The therapeutic process is about helping clients wake up, to stop sleepwalking through life by confronting their unspoken emotions and deeper true feelings.

So, What’s the Goal?

Is the goal of life to feel comfortable? In my work, I would say no. The goal is not to live in constant comfort but to live in reality. True comfort comes not from avoiding discomfort but from facing it head-on. By engaging with our emotions fully, especially the difficult ones, we begin to navigate life with greater clarity, intention and authenticity.

It’s not about eliminating pain or discomfort, but learning how to sit with those feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. This is where emotional growth happens. Once we stop avoiding, we can start truly living.

The Power of Unspoken Communication

Unconscious communication, whether it’s body language, avoidance, or the feelings we refuse to acknowledge, holds tremendous power in shaping our lives. By tuning into this form of communication, both within ourselves and in our interactions with others, we open up the possibility for deeper understanding and genuine connection.

Making the unconscious conscious is an essential part of the therapeutic process because it helps people confront what they’ve been avoiding, whether that’s a buried emotion, a painful memory, or an uncomfortable truth. And while this work isn’t easy, it’s essential for living in reality rather than sleepwalking through life.

Ultimately, learning to feel your feelings and face reality, even when it's uncomfortable, is what allows for emotional maturity and personal growth. It’s the key to waking up, living fully and finding a sense of fulfilment not by avoiding discomfort, but by learning to embrace it.

In therapy, making the unconscious conscious goes beyond simply uncovering hidden feelings; it’s about helping us engage more fully with life. By choosing to live in reality, rather than constantly seeking comfort, we create space for deeper connections, improving our relationships with both ourselves and others. Through this process, the door opens to a more authentic and meaningful existence.