When Panic Starts, Thinking Stops
“Understanding Emotional Dysregulation and Re-Regulation”
You are walking down the street, feeling relatively calm, when a stranger’s eyes catch yours for a brief second. In that split moment, something happens. Your body tenses up, your heart races, and your mind begins to spiral into overdrive. Why are they looking at me like that? Do I look weird? What are they thinking? The stranger continues walking, unaware of the emotional cascade they’ve triggered within you. Meanwhile, you’re left wrestling with an onslaught of worry and self-doubt.
This is a classic example of emotional dysregulation, a moment when a seemingly insignificant trigger causes your physiological, psychological and emotional systems to go into overdrive. It’s not uncommon and while it may feel overwhelming, it’s important to recognise that this exaggerated response is often disproportionate to the situation. The stranger likely wasn’t judging you or even thinking about you at all. So why does such a small moment lead to such a big reaction?
Note: Throughout this article, when I use the words "anxiety" or "anxious," I am referring to fear, which I believe is the underlying emotion associated with these terms.
I have written this article to explore what happens when our emotional reactions become exaggerated in everyday situations. We all experience moments where we’re launched into intense emotional states that don’t quite match the reality of the situation. This article is about understanding why this happens, how our past experiences and emotional patterns contribute to these moments and, more importantly, how we can re-regulate ourselves when “panic starts and thinking stops.”
The Anatomy of Emotional Dysregulation
In moments like these, you are not responding with rational thinking; instead, you are reacting to how you feel. Emotional dysregulation occurs when your physiological, psychological and emotional systems become activated in ways that make it difficult to engage your thinking mind. Rather than assessing the situation rationally, you are caught up in your reactive feelings. You are not simply feeling your emotions; you are being your emotions. You have entered a state where you are acting out your feelings, rather than observing them.
This is a crucial distinction. When you are being your feelings, you may lash out, withdraw, or spiral into a self-persecutory narrative. You are no longer grounded in the reality of the situation but rather swept away by your emotional response. Whether it’s anger leading you into conflict or anxiety leading you to withdraw into self-denigrating thoughts, you’re no longer thinking, only reacting.
Physiologically, the body’s autonomic nervous system, particularly the sympathetic branch, kicks in during stressful moments. It prepares the body for action, increasing your heart rate, releasing stress hormones and putting you into a hyper-alert state. Psychologically, your mind reads these bodily signals as evidence that something is wrong, causing you to spiral into worry or fear. Before you know it, it’s all systems are go, literally!... and rational thinking has gone offline.
Why It Happens: The Impact of Our Internal World and Experiences
This exaggerated reaction doesn’t happen in isolation; it is deeply connected to our internal world and our accumulated experiences. Our reactivity can be primed by past trauma, the ways we were raised and the messages we have internalised from family, culture or society.
For some, this heightened sensitivity can stem from a childhood where emotional support or guidance was lacking. If we were not helped to understand or process our emotions when we were young, we may not have developed the ability or capacity to manage them effectively. As adults, we may find ourselves easily triggered or overwhelmed because our emotions are not fully integrated.
Trauma, too, plays a significant role. I understand trauma as occurring when we have experienced either too much of something or too little of something. For example, if we were subjected to abuse, we may have been overwhelmed with too many intense emotions. On the other hand, if we were subjected to neglect, we may not have experienced enough care, attention or support. In both cases, I believe that both our nervous system and our interpersonal world becomes conditioned to expect danger and this primes us to be hypervigilant in our adult lives.
Additionally, some of us grow up in environments where we are taught that the world is unsafe, either by direct messages from family or through broader societal narratives. If we are raised to be untrusting of others or told that people are inherently dangerous, we carry that vigilance into our adult interactions. We might overreact to small situations because we have been conditioned to believe that danger is always lurking, and our emotional and physiological systems are primed to react accordingly.
Observing vs. Acting on Your Feelings
The key to breaking the cycle of dysregulation lies in your ability to become an observer of your feelings, rather than someone who reacts and acts on them. When you act out of your emotions, you are trapped within them. But when you step back and observe your emotions, you create a space where thinking can happen. This space allows you to disengage from the reactive cycle and begin to assess the situation with clarity.
For example, instead of spiraling into thoughts like “Why did that person look at me like that? They must think I’m weird,” you can observe your anxiety without becoming it. Recognising that “I’m feeling anxious right now” creates a gap between you and the emotion, allowing rational thinking to return. This is the space where you can think your way out of dysregulation.
Without this shift from being to observing, you may find yourself falling into two common traps: self-denigrating or persecutory storytelling, or acting on outward conflict with others. The first trap involves withdrawing inward, feeding your emotional pain with negative narratives about yourself: “I’m unworthy. Everyone is judging me. I’m always making mistakes.” The second trap involves lashing out externally, engaging in arguments or conflict as a way of defending yourself against feelings of vulnerability. In both cases, you are caught up in your feelings rather than stepping back to assess the situation rationally.
How to Re-Regulate When Panic Hits
When you are in the middle of a panic-induced thought spiral, it can feel impossible to stop the momentum. So how do you create space to think when it feels like “it’s all systems go”? The key lies in recognising what’s happening and actively working to re-regulate yourself. Yes, I’m afraid it does involve action on your part. Here’s how:
1. Pause and Breathe
The first step is to pause. When your emotions are activated, the instinct is to keep reacting, but this only amplifies the dysregulation. Instead, take a moment to breathe. Slow, deep breathing helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for calming the body down. Inhale through your nose for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of six. This signals your body that it’s safe to calm down.
2. Ground Yourself in the Present
Once you have taken a few deep breaths, bring your attention back to the present moment. What is happening right now? Are you truly in danger, or is this just a moment of discomfort? This grounding process helps you shift from being consumed by your feelings to observing them in the context of reality.
3. Recognise Your Default Patterns
Another key step in re-regulation is recognising your own tendencies. When you feel triggered or dysregulated, tell yourself, “This is what I do. I’m doing it again. I have a tendency to react in this way when I feel [trigger],” such as anxiety or uncertainty. This could sound like: “I tend to react with anxiety when I feel judged by others,” or “I usually retreat when I feel overwhelmed.” By naming and acknowledging your default pattern, you create distance between yourself and the emotional reaction. In this state, you are now observing your emotions rather than being your emotions and reacting to them.
This self-awareness helps you step outside the automatic response and reminds you that you have other ways to react. It is about noticing the pattern and interrupting the loop before it pulls you deeper.
4. Challenge Your Thoughts
Now that you have created some space and recognised the pattern, it’s time to challenge the thoughts that triggered your dysregulation. Ask yourself, What evidence do I have that this person is judging me? Is it possible they were not even thinking about me? By actively challenging the reactive narrative, you can begin to dismantle the spiraling thoughts that often accompany dysregulation.
5. Acknowledge the Fear of Uncertainty
When we are emotionally dysregulated, especially in moments of uncertainty, we often scramble to find certainty and control, sometimes in a frantic way. It’s uncomfortable to sit with uncertainty and the mind wants to latch onto something definite and certain. Tell yourself, “It’s hard for me to sit with not knowing. When I feel uncertain, I tend to scramble for certainty.”
This awareness allows you to resist the urge to manically or magically restore control and helps you accept that uncertainty is part of the experience. We could say part of life, being human. The goal is not to immediately fix the feeling, but to acknowledge the discomfort and let it be, while still working toward re-regulation.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Instead of criticising yourself for overreacting, practice self-compassion. Emotional sensitivity is not a flaw; it is a natural part of being human. Remind yourself that it is okay to feel this way and that you are capable of returning to a calm state. Self-kindness helps reduce emotional intensity and allows you to regain control. We often focus on the importance of being kind to others here, I’m inviting you to extend that same kindness to yourself.
The Importance of Awareness
The next time you find yourself spiralling into panic, remember that awareness is the first step toward re-regulation. When you recognise that your physiological, psychological, and emotional systems are on high alert for no obvious apparent reason, you can begin to intervene. The key is to intentionally and actively create space to think, because when panic starts, thinking really does stop.
You do not have to be swept away by your emotions. By developing strategies to observe your feelings rather than act on them, you might just find it easier to navigate moments of emotional dysregulation. Awareness allows you to breathe, pause,and find your way back to a more grounded, ‘thinking’ state.